Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Open and Honest

The title of this post is clear and its exactly how I am going to write this post.  I always blog about my children and my photography but I never blog about the bad and the hard things that take place in my families lives.  

There are plenty of hard things that my family is going through or has gone through the past few years and most of them I have not shared on this blog.  This blog is for my kids, was for my kids and we have recently turned it into a family blog.  Some of this hard times or bad things are wroth blogging about.  I have made some great friends through blogging and I look up to many of you women and mommies.  I appreciate your advice so maybe with this post I am asking for advice or encouragement or even a prayer or two. 

So Here Goes Nothing . Bare With Me This Will Be Long . 

When we got pregnant with Alex is was not planned, it was a big uh oh pregnancy.  Chad and I were not married or even engaged.  I did know however that I loved him and that I wanted to one day be married to him.  With becoming pregnant with Alex we got engaged, built a house and got married. Three of the biggest things you can adjust to in your life or decisions you can make were made in less then 6 months of each other. 

That's just the start of the story though and I wouldn't change that for the world.  Alex is the most amazing 3 year old girl in the world and I love being married to my husband as well as I love our house and our neighborhood and our neighbors.  

So we moved in, got married and got used to becoming first time parents.  We both worked at Best Buy at the time and worked opposite shifts with my moms help on Wednesdays.  It sucked working different days then Chad and not seeing him often but its something we had to do in order to get around paying for daycare. 

I then got a job working for my aunt and uncle as a nanny.  It was perfect, Alex got to come with me to work and I only worked 4 days a week and made great money.  This is the job that I have been doing for the past 2.5 years.  

We then decided that we wanted to add to our family ( we might not have been financially ready but we both had jobs and a great support system ) and we got pregnant almost right away with Avin.  I had a rough pregnancy with a lot of downs ( almost loosing Avin right away in the pregnancy and then dealing with all my itching ).  Avin came early ( we didn't have a choice ) at 34.2 weeks gestation and was in the NICU for 11 days.  I planned this pregnancy around tax season as I knew I would not get any paid time off ( crappy I know ). 

I was enjoying my time off with my girls ( well the first 11 days was hell going back and forth to the hospital ) and was planning on going back to work at the end of March or the start of April.  I wanted to take 6 weeks off but 2 weeks before I was planning on going back my Aunt and Uncle had changed there minds.

They decided they didn't want me to bring my girls with me to work and they also wanted to cut my pay.  I can understand the not wanting me to bring my girls with me because I would have 5 kids ( they think that's a lot but I think that's manageable because I know the kids so well ).  My husband is home on Mondays so he keeps the girls and my mom ( she is amazing ) and is willing to help out whenever but has always taken Alex on Wed for the day.  So overall I would only have my girls with me on Tuesday and Thursday, which my mom is willing to help out and go places with us if we needed her to.  About the pay well the economy sucks so I can't really blame them.

What really hurts me and is disappointing and that I was only told 2 weeks before I was supposed to go back.  It puts my family in an extermly tough and difficult situation.  We don't have money to lean back on, I already planned this baby around tax season so that I could actually take some time off and my husband doesn't make enough for me to only do photography and I don't make enough photography anyways to only do it. 

I am a young women ( 26 years old ), I don't have a degree, I have two little girls under 3 and my passion is in photography and children.  

I guess I just don't know what to do.  

We have to pay our mortgage, I can't imagine loosing our house and moving Alex away from what she knows, her best friends and the area she is used to.  I know she is still young but she wouldn't know the inner details all she would know is that she would be leaving her best friends.  It actually brings me to tears just thinking about moving her away from here.  

I hate the situation we are in, I hate that we are even having to go through this but most of all I don't want my girls to suffer because of this.  If you know me you know that my girls come first, before anything and everything.  They are my number one priority and to even think that I have to take Alex away from all she knows ( possibly move her into a place that doesn't have her own yard or young kids ) breaks my heart.  

They say money is one of the number one things that drives couples apart and that scares me.  I don't want something like money to ruin my marriage or my relationship with chad.

I am thinking about going back to school, finishing my 2 year degree and going on for more.  I am working on a big special for my photography ( but when I run specials I pretty much make no money for the time that is spent on that actual session ).  I am looking for other jobs at daycare centers but have had no luck.  I have thought about opening up my own daycare in our house but not even sure how to start that. 

I am just not sure what to do!  The money I would make would pretty much pay for daycare and then there really isn't a point to working.  I don't want to work 30 hours a week to only bring home 500 bucks because of the daycare cost. 

Any advice or help or information or sending a prayer our way would be great. 

I started back at work this week on Monday and Wednesday.  It was actually great to be back and the little extra money will help but it isn't enough.  It is not even close to enough.  We are struggling, we made this months mortgage payment, but who knows about next.  Who knows what the next few months bring.

I know I have my family and that's the most important thing but we really need things to turn around.  I really need my photography to start picking up or I need to find a really good paying job.

I am scared, nervous, sad, worried, upset but yet I am happy, in love and adore my children. 

On a brighter note, don't forget about my give away I have going on.


Mary said...

Erin I am so sorry about what you and the family are going through. I really admire you for being honest and opening up on your blog.

As far as advice, the only one I can think of is possibly getting a job at night. I worked at Target for a couple years and LOVED it. They give you opprotunities to advance and are pretty flexible. Again my advice is maybe having to work nights and/or weekends.

I will be praying for you guys. I hope everything works out. Unfortunatley this is happening to a lot of people. We went through a really tough couple months last year. Again I pray and hope you guys can work this out.

You are an amazing mama. Your girls are lucky to have a mom who is willing to work hard to give them the best.


Stephanie said...

Oh honey I'm so sorry you are going through this right now or at all for that matter!

First of all you and Chad are solid so don't stress over that!!! You need to do whatever you need to do in order to everyone to be happy.

I think opening up a daycare in your own home would be a great idea!!!! That's what Kelly does,isn't it? She seems to have wonderful luck with it! Then you could be home with your kids all the time. As for the job right now I'd be pissed!!!!!!! I know you can't just quit but that would be first thing in my mind from the anger.

I'm praying for you and as always I'm right here if you need to talk. I know I've been absent but you can email me anytime for anything!!!!!

Love ya girl!

Sarah said...

So sorry you are dealing with this!!
After my 2nd baby, I too dealt with working vs. staying home b/c of daycare costs. I ended up starting an in home daycare and it was the BEST decision I ever made!! If you have adequate space, you know you can handle it & your hubby supports that decision, I say go for it! The best place to start for that is your county. I don't think we are in the same county, but check your county's website. They probably have some kind of orientation that you could go to and you'll get tons of info. Then you start on the paperwork & getting your house ready. It takes time, but so worth it to be home with your babies. One of the best things I did when I was starting out was I went to a seminar for taxes specifically for in home daycares.
It's definitely worth looking into if you are needing to make more money but can't make it worth paying daycare for two kids!
Good luck!!

Lexie Loo & Dylan Too said...

Oh, Erin, I'm sorry to hear that you're in a tough spot right now. Do you have a friend or family member that could watch the girls on Tuesdays and Thursdays? Keep your chin up, girl. You WILL make it through this.

sab said...

I vote for the daycare in your home. Advertise at your church, the local elementary schools (you could do after school care and summer vacation care for the working mom. I'm sure with your talents you would be a huge success and you may have to eventually find a bigger facility.

Lesli said...

I am so sorry that things are going well at the moment, but hang in there, things WILL work out for you, I am sure of it!! You seem like the perfect person to have an in home daycare. I would def look into that. It is so hard to find a trustworthy person to watch your children, I am sure you will have no problem finding families that need your help!

Kelly said...

Erin, do daycare out of your home. It is a little work to start up, but I can help you with that. It is a shorter process in your county. (it should take about 2 months) I have everything you can look at, that you would need. Turn your downstairs into a playroom and your room downstairs into your studio (if it is big enough)

Everything will work out. Money is a big issue with us at times too. Don't let it get between you, talk things out and don't let them build.

Let me know if you need anything.

Anna said...

Sounds like the other commenters have some great advice. We're struggling right now, and Adam works a lot and I work 32 hours/week. Unfortunately, daycare is expensive and so is sending my daughter to her private (but needed) school.

I wish you luck. I wish I could help you out in some way. Let me know if you need anything and I'll try to help.

All About Aleigha said...

So sorry your having to go through this now! Money has been an issue with us before but somehow things just work out. I know communication b/t you & your husband is a big thing, open communication is key for our relationship. I hope everything works out & i will definitely be praying for you & your family.

dawn said...

i have been a stay at home mom for almost 10 years. i did work for about 6months when my first child was 6 months old. i taught at a preschool and he was in the daycare. i always felt it was crazy that i was getting paid to take care of other people's kids and i was paying someone to keep my kids. not to mention by time i paid there was not much left. pretty much not worth it. that is when we decided that we were going to rely on God's provision and take the step for me to stay home. we have had our issues and hard times, but He has always provided for our family.

you are an amazing mommy and i know that your kids come first. so it doesn't make sense that you have to find other people to take care of your kids while you nanny for your aunt and uncle. you should be able to bring them with you, but clearly that is not something they want. i think you should find another nanny job where you can have your girls with you! or look into opening the day care in your home.

i think it is very important to be with your girls, if that is what you feel is in your heart and what you are suppose to do.

i will pray that things work out for you!

hang in there! we all have these bumps in the road!

Jessica said...

I don't really have any advice, but just wanted you to know that I will be praying for you. It will all work out in the end so hang in there!

Emily said...

Oh I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. I wish I had some advice to offer you. I will pray for you though. And I kind of know what you're going through. My husband was unemployed for some time a little over a year band it was tough not knowing what was coming.
I will say one thing about marriage though...being open and honest about EVERYTHING and especially money will help keep a marriage strong.

Paige said...

I am so very sorry that you are having to go through this! I wish that I had the advice to help in this situation, but as a single young Mom myself, I feel that I do not have the experience to give advice just yet.
I do agree with the rest of the ladies that an in home daycare does sound wonderful! It will be hard at first but at least it can be a way to stay home with your girls and have some income coming in. There are always people looking for a private sitter instead of a public daycare! I will be praying for you and Chad during this time. I know how hard that jobs and money situations can be.

On another note, I am selling Charli Beth's clothes because I NEED the extra money and to be able to buy her other items! This is the first time that I have ever tried out Ebay, although I usually do yard sales and have wonderful luck! I did keep her baby items that I was emotionally attached too and a few neutral items. I am not married so having more babies will be a far fetch for now. I hope that helps with you decision!

Meant to be a mom said...

Erin, I'm so sorry to hear that your having difficulties.
I think that having an in home daycare sounds good. That way your girls can stay home with you. Advertise through your church, If you go to a specific church regularly. We just found a lady through our church and they talked wonderful things about her when I called and asked if they knew of anyone who had an in home daycare. You should definitely do that.
I'll be praying for you guys.

Candice said...

Financial problems can always be a source of stress. Hang in there and keep putting family first. Remember you all have you health and each other...That's all you really need...and lots of love. Hugs!!

Brynn Elizabeth said...

I am feeling the exact same stress you are right now. It has been a really trying time in our lives and I really hope we get through it, most of all for Brynn!