Thursday, September 13, 2012

Trust

I'm not really sure where or how to start this post....

I used to trust a lot of people....
I used to find it really easy to be open and confide in people....
I used to surround myself with a large group of friends whom I trusted....

Then my world was shattered and everything I knew about trust was thrown out the window....
Two of the people I trusted the most betrayed me.....

Every since that happened
almost 3.5 years ago
I find it very difficult to trust!

I trust people but never fully....
I get close to trusting and push or pull away....

The truth is...
two people I loved.....
two people I would have done just about anything for...
one person I trusted around my children, welcomed into my home at anytime
 the other well hes their father....
broke me down in a way I never knew was possible!

I don't show this side of me often...
I don't like talking about certain things...
but writing it down, getting it out there 
sure makes me feel a lot better!

I have a very small group of friends 
in whom I know I can trust.

When this all happened
I separated myself from a lot of friends
I still do separate myself from friends.

Most the time I would rather be at home alone.
Most the time I would rather be with just one good friend.
I love crowds and being social but actually becoming great friends
with someone has seemed like a dificult task now days.

I'm worried someone else I love
and trust will betray me.
I have tons and tons of acquaintances but
honestly I don't know how to get over the fear of 
being able to actually fully trust people again.

The truth is...
I'm scared to fully open myself up....
I'm scared to fully let someone in.....

Over the years
I've opened up more for a few people...
I've let a few more people in my circle of trust...

But all in all ....
I still find it difficult to trust..

I am finding it more dificult to trust people..
when trying to build a relationship that goes beyond a friendship...

but easier to trust people..
in whom friendships is all it will ever be..

But in the end...
If you don't have full trust...
what do you have ?


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