Friday, May 17, 2013

Worth It...

Those two words above have been floating on my brain for sometime now.
  I mean they are stuck there, popping out, screaming at me, torturing me and bringing me down!


Who decides if your worth it, who decided if what you have to give / offer is worth it, how do you make yourself believe that someone will think you are worth it, how do you make yourself
believe that you are your worst critic and that the people that love you and
 are there for you know that you are worth it.

There were many months, many many months,
that honestly I did not think I was worth it.
( i do not mean my life and living, i mean finding happiness and someone to love again )!

These months were tough for me, lots of tears at night, lots of wondering what I needed to do
and how I would do it to get myself into a place where I truly felt I was worth it. Where I truly felt like I could actually believe it when someone told me that I was worth it.

When I talk about being worth it, i guess i mean these things...

 Finding someone who would understand trust doesn't come easy for me...
 finding someone who would be willing to accept me and my girls..
 finding someone who can deal with me expressing myself..
 finding someone who loves my personality..
 finding someone who finds me beautiful.. 
finding someone who will challenge me..
 finding someone who loves my flaws...
finding someone who appreciates me..
finding someone who sees me...

When I looked at my life, I didn't find myself worth it.

That is where it all started and that is where it all ended. 
 If I found myself worth it, someone else definitely would.

 I needed to find myself worth it!

Anyone could have told me I'm worth it, 
they could have given my a few examples or a thousand examples,
boosted my ego and all that jazz but in the end a few months ago,
I would not have seen it nor agreed with anything they said.  

I did not find myself worth it!

I am not even sure where it all changed.
I actually have no idea why now I feel like I am worth it.

Maybe, honestly I just wasn't ready.

I wasn't ready to allow someone to fully come into my life,
I wasn't ready to think about someone entering my girls lives,
I wasn't ready to trust again ( its still tough, not sure it will ever be easy ),
and I just wasn't ready to truly open up my heart!

I am worth it, and I am ready!
I may not have a lot of money,
but I have a lot of love to give!

I may not have this amazing job,
oh wait I am a mom, nothing is more amazing than that!

I may not have a million friends,
but a handful that I truly trust and can count on no matter what!

I may be too close to my family ( in some eyes ),
but I wouldn't change that for the world!
I have the most supportive family any girl could ask for!

I may have two little girls,
but they are amazing, loving, sweet and my world!
They don't bring me down or hold me back, they are my life 
and have helped make me who i am today!

I may over think things( way too much ),
but that's just me and its just what I do!

I may have issues with trust,
but with what I have been through, who wouldn't,
and I've learned that I need to trust until proven wrong,
which has been hard for me and has taken a lot of time and effort but 
trusting just one person can make a huge difference and truly allow you to open up!

I may have not found myself to be beautiful,
but now I actually look in the mirror and not only see
myself as beautiful but feel beautiful!

I may not have the personality that everyone is looking for,
but I am sweet, caring, down to earth, a little stubborn, open minded,
 easy to talk to, goofy, and I don't know what else!

In the end, I am worth it, 
someone will see me for who I am
 and think that I am worth it!

< 3 I truly hope to find love again one day! < 3

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